Have You Challenged Yourself Today?

          

     This weekend I took part in the Ragnar Relay www.ragnarrelay.com.  I was about to hop in a van with 5 other women.  There would be 12 of us total running 186 miles from Plymouth MA to Provincetown.  Nonstop. Overnight. As I stood in the merchandise tent I saw this on a sweatshirt: Run. Eat. Sleep? Repeat.   I began to realize the magnitude of what I had signed up for. 

          Have you challenged yourself lately?   I’ve heard my friends and colleagues speak of being in a rut.  As moms, whether we stay home or work, we’ve all been there.  Days go by and we continue to take care of the family and house.  We can’t remember the last time we sat down to rest with nothing on the to-do list.  Our sweatshirt would say: Feed. Transport. Clean. Sleep? Repeat. 

          When I told Jim I was going to do Ragnar two of his responses were: “That doesn’t sound fun.”  and “I don’t get it.”  This made me only want to do it more!   Choose a challenge that means something to you.  That you will find fun.  It can either be alone or with friends.  Choose something that is a little out of your comfort zone but won’t totally freak you out.  One of my legs was five miles long.  I haven’t run five miles in 15 years!  Never mind that I would also be running four miles seven hours earlier.  My last run was three miles at 4:00 a.m. through a state park.  (OK, this one freaked me out a bit.) 

          But I have good news!  The adrenaline of a challenge pushes you through.  It’s exhilarating!  You have to try it.  But I also have to warn you.  Once you have accomplished one challenge, you will want to do another.  I’m considering a triathlon next!

Advice…Who Needs It?

          I do!  And I don’t think that is a particularly bad thing.  Three years ago, when I decided to get serious about my writing, I applied for the Writing for Children’s course through the Children’s Literature Institute -an online course whose home base is in Redding, CT.  I was nervous beyond nervous as I waited for feedback on each assignment.  I found myself to be part indignant and part appreciative at times.  Over the ten submissions I learned I am strong in descriptive writing and character development, overused passive verbs and didn’t get to the conflict soon enough.  Qualities better suited for chapter books and not short stories.  Well, that wasn’t so bad. I know I can’t write “short.”  (Anyone who has ever had a conversation knows I can’t talk “short” either!)

          Next, I joined a critique group.  This was a huge step for me.  I can be extremely shy around strangers.  Now add the layer of reading out loud my writing…sheer panic set in on the first car ride!  I had written and revised my first chapter.  But would they like it?! I’ve worked hard at becoming a receptive set of ears instead of a defensive back when receiving comments from my group.  Lucky for me, they are a fantastic group of ladies!

          Most recently, I attended the New England Society for Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators spring conference ( www.nescbwi.org. )  There was advice to be found at every turn!  From the critique session, to the workshops, to casual conversations at lunch, everyone was willing to share ideas and give advice.  I’m still new to this whole world of writing, but I became an advice sponge.  Letting all the tidbits and words of wisdom soak in.

          On the drive home, reflecting on the day, I couldn’t help thinking about other advice that enters my life on a daily basis.  I realized I am not always the most appreciative and receptive advice receiver.  But I have the power to change this.  No teacher can get through a school year all on their own and no parent has all the right ideas.  Advice is like a flower garden.  It comes in many forms.  Some is bright and bold, some is small and subtle.  My job is to pick what I like the best!  

Patience and Potty Training

Patience and Potty Training

      

  I am not a patient person. Never was and will never be.  So imagine how useful this was when I took on potty training this week.  I thought I was prepared since I had the following supplies:

*  Two potty chairs – one musical

*  Underwear decorated with favorite characters

*  Potty Bear video

*  Stickers for trying

*  M & Ms to reinforce dryness

*  Large stash of presents – for successes

*  A plethora of knowledge from friends

        I repeat, I thought I was prepared.  Nothing could have prepared me for Andrew’s reaction to the process.  First, was his very real but unexplainable fear of the potty chair.  OK, we’ll decorate it!  (An idea from Jim).  Second, was his incredible ability to hold it!  Next, was the amount of trips to the bathroom and time spent reading, giving encouraging words and hugs it would take.  And last was the crying – from both of us.  He was so full of emotion to be successful and not disappoint.  And I felt like I was putting him through something tortuous.   He would look at me with tears in his eyes and say, “I can’t do it!”  Ugh!  Heartbreak!

        But we pressed on!  There were Cheerios and outside demonstrations!  We danced and we sang!    Jim sang, “La di da di, we like to potty” and “I just called... to say... let’s go potty!”  I did my interpretation of the potty dance and chanted ridiculous cheers.  I’m sure Andrew thought we were nuts!

                I wondered how many other new things we would find ourselves faced with and how we would all react.   In the end, patience paid off.  (Okay, maybe it was the stash of trains.) It was a proud moment for us both when Andrew declared, “I’m a big boy now!” 

        The week was a good lesson for me as a parent.  There is going to be a lot of new challenges for the boys and me.  Looks like I will be shopping at the patience shop more frequently!

Warning… This Isn’t Going to be Pretty

Warning… This Isn’t Going to be Pretty

          When I first planned the entry to mark my 40^th birthday, this was my original title.  I was well prepared to lament how physically I was feeling my age and the ever-entertaining ways my body was changing.  (One has to laugh about it, right?) 

          However, I have just spent three of the most relaxing day with the boys and family. I did not have the “back-to-work Monday” looming at the end of the weekend.  So, on the drive home, sitting in the back seat between the two of them, I knew I needed to take a more positive approach.

          When I turned 30, I sat one night with my journal.   I was on my porch, wine glass in hand, chimenea aglow and dog at my feet.  I was thinking about the summer – and the three weddings I would be attending – alone.  I was thinking about the two weddings I had attended the year before – alone.  I was thinking alone was not a very happy place to be.  I penned quite a pity party that night.

          It was time for a change.  I decided to relocate – sell my house and leave all the local comforts I had come to depend upon.  I was going to go live by the beach and start over!  Lucky for me, the universe works in wonderful ways.  I was hired in Waterford – which was somewhat familiar territory (my aunt and cousin live there).  The only apartment available that backed up to the woods was across from a handsome, single engineer – (now that’s a story for another blog!)

          In the past ten years I have married and incredible man, owned two homes, and been blessed with two beautiful boys.  I’ve gotten my 200 hour yoga certification, took a course in writing children’s literature and taught two new grades.  I’ve started a young adult novel, dabbled in picture book writing, and continued to add to my collections of poems.  Most recently, I have started this blog.  So, to steal a post from another person turning 40 this year…I will be turning 30 plus 10 year’s experience!

          Sure, I’m not as fast as I used to be, my face has its share of experience lines and it takes more effort to lift and separate!  But as I sit here at 6 a.m., under my fleece blanket, coffee mug in hand, listening to the birds sing their wake up song, I am definitely in a very happy place.

Focus on What's Necessary

          I have a new mantra, “Focus on what’s necessary.”  It popped into my head while cleaning the other night.  Perhaps it was the Swiffer fumes at 9:34 that produced this profound epiphany.  Or, perhaps, it was the overdose of fresh air I received this week.  Chances are, however, it was the fact that I had just cleaned the bathroom and was having one of my overwhelmed, I-can’t-do-it all moments. 

          You’ve been there.  Life is cruising along at the speed of, well, life.  There’s work, the kids, the husband, the house, and somewhere, a slim moment or two thrown in just for you.  For awhile you go with the flow.  Then, ever so slowly, the papers on your desk begin to pile up.  You had a few days planned ahead, but now you’re at a loss at which direction to go next.  At home, you’re doing your best to maintain the ground level but every time you go upstairs, you notice the dust bunny in the corner is growing and now there are cobwebs on the mantel.

          Time to focus!  So how do I decide what is necessary?  I’ve tried “to-do lists,” but usually found myself doing things off the list.  I had a cleaning lady, which I fired after three visits – but that is a story for another day.  Perhaps mediocre cleaning help is better than no cleaning help!  Jim and I have tried to divide and conquer, which works for a few days.  The problem is, in our house, multiplication works much faster than division!

          New approach to what is necessary: 

1.     Meeting basic needs.  Okay, I can do that.  Keep myself and the boys clean  and fed.  That is manageable. 

2.    Clean what is necessary when it is necessary.  Dishes can wait, life can’t. 

3.    Leave work at work.  Period.

4.    Do something just for me every day.  Even it’s just an extra five minutes in the shower.  A little peace and privacy go a long way!

5.    Take advantage of the calm after the storm – that wonderful quiet time after the boys are in bed.

          We all want to feel successful and happy but we shouldn’t have to sacrifice one for the other.  I guess we just have to find what works, even if it only works temporarily.  My life is in a constant state of revision!  So for now, I’ll try this new approach and see how it goes.  Wish me luck!  

It’s Nice to Meet You…Really

It’s Nice to Meet You…Really

        A few weekends ago, I went out to dinner to celebrate a friend’s birthday.  When I arrived, the only seat available was next to a woman I did not know.  (Before I sat down, my girlfriend had identified several women whom I did not know.)  Within a few minutes, I knew the ages of her children, which town and grade she taught, her current workout routine and had quickly surveyed her outfit.  These, of course, were all things I had a connection to.

        About an hour later, the group headed to another establishment for a drink. As we were waiting for our drinks, my new friend asked, “Do you remember her name?” pointing to a blonde wearing a black and white blouse and black pants.  I did remember she had two children though.

        “No.” I said.   

        She rattled off a few names, none of which sounded familiar.  “Hmm,” she said. 

        I looked straight at her and said, “To be honest, I can’t remember your name.” 

        She looked back at me.  I had a moment of panic.  I had offended her.  Then she laughed.  “It’s Nicole.  You’re Jessica, right?”   Then we both laughed. 

        I don’t know why I can’t remember names.  I’ve tried saying them over several times when I first hear it – no luck.  I’ve tried little mnemonic devices, for example, Jerry Juice or Robin wearing red.   I get so wrapped up in what is the perfect match, that I forget the original name I’m supposed to be remembering! 

        When someone new joins the group, I am the one anxiously waiting for someone else to introduce the mystery individual.  Or, even better, they introduce themselves!  Few!  Pressures off me and I get another chance to hear them name!

        What I can remember are people’s faces and outfits, occupations and children.  Good to know I am not completely hopeless!

        So, if I meet you in the near future, I promise, I will wholeheartedly try to remember your name, really.  I’ll get it the second time around.

You Know You're a Mom if...

When I was pregnant with Andrew, I read about childhood and motherhood nightly.  I continued to read often after he was born, underlining passages and sharing important points with Jim.  When I was pregnant with Alex, I was too tired to read most nights.  And nowadays, with the two of them on the move and working full time, I’m lucky if I get to read one or two articles in a parenting magazine.  I think moms-on-the-go would appreciate of a book of lists instead of chapters.  If I was to write this book, this would be my first entry.  

            You know you’re a mom (of someone under 5) if

You find yourself throwing in laundry at 5 a.m. or 9 p.m.

You opt to get up at 5:30 because you know that is the only 30 minutes of silent, alone time you will get.

You are the first one up and last to bed.

You heat up your (first) cup of coffee a minimum of two times.

You usually have company while in the bathroom.

You have children’s theme songs running through your head when getting intimate.

You can’t get out the door without some mysterious stain on your clothes.

You get giddy at the opportunity to go grocery shopping – alone!

“It’s just a phase,” is part of your daily vocabulary.

You’ve thought about wearing roller skates during dinner since you rarely sit for very long.

You know the name of way too many planes, trains and automobiles.

You find a way to work your kids into any possible conversation with another adult.

When your child says, “I missed you,” you simultaneously get warm all over and tears in your eyes.

There’s nothing like the feeling when your child tells you, “I love you.”