“Possession is nine-tenths of the law is an expression meaning that ownership is easier to maintain if one has possession of something, and much more difficult to enforce if one does not.” (www.wikipedia.org.) I have decided to apply this principle to my parenting of Alex.  My version reads:  Possession of Alex 90% of the time, makes it easier to keep him safe and out of trouble.  You see, Alex is a runner, a dare devil, and a breaker of any and every rule.  He can be sure to get into a room, a plant and a predicament as soon as I leave the room.  Here’s a little sample of my day:

                We don’t throw food…Don’t spit out your milk…What did you just eat off the floor? …Get back here…The plant is not a toy…We don’t eat dirt…Get down…Sit down…Andrew, where is Alex?...Alex, where are you?...We don’t hit our brother with cars…The toy box is not for sitting…How did you get on the table?...Don’t bang the table…We don’t throw toys…Yuck! Don’t drink that!...Rocks are not for eating…Alex! Alex! Come back here!

                So you get the idea.  I do try to positively reinforce whenever possible.  And I know in his little mind, he is competing for my attention and trying to make his presence known. I am just so amazed how much he has learned and how much personality he has - in 16 months!

                There is another side of Alex too.  He is a cuddler and a snuggler.  He loves to give and receive hugs and kisses.  When he gets up in the morning he wants to sit on your lap and stay there.  The same is true right before bed.  These are moments I soak in.  (Plus they help me rest up f or the day ahead!)

                This will be the summer of running!  Good thing we live on a cul de sac!

*Note:  No Alexes or mommies were hurt during the writing or posting of this blog.  He’s asleep! :)

The Wonder Years

          I have a three and a half year-old.  The book, What to Expect the Toddler Years, stops at 36 months, so now I’m on my own.  I guess I could buy another book, but to be honest, having a toddler and working makes my life a wee bit busy. (Oh, and there’s my 16 month old. He’ll be featured in another blog. J)   I don’t have time to stop in the middle of a meltdown and consult a book, so I practice a lot of trial and error. 

          I am forever shaking my head in amazement at the things Andrew says and does.  It dawned on me over the weekend that these are my wonder years…

Ø  I wonder how I can spend 30 minutes cleaning a room only to have it destroyed in 30 seconds.

Ø  I wonder how I can spend 5 minutes smacking the sand out of a shoe only to pick it up later and more sand dumps out!

Ø  I wonder what boogies are made of and how they become hermetically sealed to your nose.

Ø  I wonder why you think “yes” means “no” and “no” means “yes”?

Ø  I wonder what internal mechanism tells you 6:00 is weekday wake up time and 5:30 is weekend wake up time.

Ø  I wonder how you’ve already figured out the art of negotiating – well, sort of, since “one more time” usually turns into three and “two more minutes” usually turns into five! J  

Ø  I wonder how you can make me laugh and cry at the same time.

Ø  I wonder if you will still tell me I am your “best, best friend” when you are a teenager and want to borrow the car.

          Parenting is hard.  Reading books and articles helps some as does talking with other parents.  I try to smile as much as possible and appreciate as many moments as I can – even the trying ones.  I have been told over and over how fast time goes by.  I want to bottle some days and, well, let’s be honest, erase some others.  In the end, I couldn’t imagine my life without children.  I never wonder what it would be like without them.  J

Celebrating Success!

        Every now and then I must stop and ask myself, “How am I doing?”  Because, I admit, there are days when I feel completely unsuccessful both at work and at home.  I get consumed with following the schedule and curriculum at school, and maintaining peace and well-being at home.  I move rapidly from one moment to the next, very rarely stopping to reflect on any moment of success, even though they are right in front of me.  So, today, I will celebrate!

        In February, I decided to submit a picture book manuscript into the New Voices in Children's Literature: Tassy Walden Awards, sponsored by Shoreline Arts Alliance (http://www.shorelinearts.org/tassywalden.cfm).  The boys had begun phase one of sibling rivalry leaving me in the middle of many a toy battle.  I was definitely not feeling like a successful parent as I found myself in the middle of many toy battles.  So, I wrote about it.  Two weeks ago, I received a call telling me I was chosen as a finalist for the picture book category!  There had been 200 submissions, one winner, and three finalists!  I was thrilled!  

      The Tassy Finalists

  

     While I sat at the reception, listening to the winners read from their manuscripts, I thought about another piece of the success pie – celebrating the success of others.   I took the opportunity to chat with a few other writers and compliment the winners.  I also made sure to snag a picture with newly published author Lynda Mullaly Hunt, author of One for the Murphys (http://www.lyndamullalyhunt.com).  She is a small town author with a big city heart.

Lynda and I

        So take some time each day to celebrate your own successes - no matter how small.  You deserve it!  Also, be sure to compliment someone else on their success.  We all work very hard and become focused with those around us.  We get buried under our daily duties and work expectations.  It’s time to stop and say, “Hey, if it wasn’t for me….” 

        And, for those who asked, here’s the beginning of my picture book, Little Brother…

            Hi, my name is Andrew.  This is my little brother Alex.  He used to be a baby.  Life was good then.  Now, he is what my mom calls “curious.” I call him Alex Monster!

            When Alex was a baby, he sat in a chair and watched everybody.  He was buckled into the chair and couldn’t get out.  I watched all my favorite TV shows and played with all my toys in the family room.

            Now Alex stands in a bouncer.  When he jumps up and down, it makes noise.  BANG!  CRASH!  He also screams and pushes buttons that play terrible music.  The whole thing is way too loud.  I yell for Mommy to make him be quiet. But then I get told not to yell!  Oh, and when he’s in the bouncer, he gets to watch his baby shows.  I do NOT like baby shows.    

Have You Challenged Yourself Today?

          

     This weekend I took part in the Ragnar Relay www.ragnarrelay.com.  I was about to hop in a van with 5 other women.  There would be 12 of us total running 186 miles from Plymouth MA to Provincetown.  Nonstop. Overnight. As I stood in the merchandise tent I saw this on a sweatshirt: Run. Eat. Sleep? Repeat.   I began to realize the magnitude of what I had signed up for. 

          Have you challenged yourself lately?   I’ve heard my friends and colleagues speak of being in a rut.  As moms, whether we stay home or work, we’ve all been there.  Days go by and we continue to take care of the family and house.  We can’t remember the last time we sat down to rest with nothing on the to-do list.  Our sweatshirt would say: Feed. Transport. Clean. Sleep? Repeat. 

          When I told Jim I was going to do Ragnar two of his responses were: “That doesn’t sound fun.”  and “I don’t get it.”  This made me only want to do it more!   Choose a challenge that means something to you.  That you will find fun.  It can either be alone or with friends.  Choose something that is a little out of your comfort zone but won’t totally freak you out.  One of my legs was five miles long.  I haven’t run five miles in 15 years!  Never mind that I would also be running four miles seven hours earlier.  My last run was three miles at 4:00 a.m. through a state park.  (OK, this one freaked me out a bit.) 

          But I have good news!  The adrenaline of a challenge pushes you through.  It’s exhilarating!  You have to try it.  But I also have to warn you.  Once you have accomplished one challenge, you will want to do another.  I’m considering a triathlon next!

Advice…Who Needs It?

          I do!  And I don’t think that is a particularly bad thing.  Three years ago, when I decided to get serious about my writing, I applied for the Writing for Children’s course through the Children’s Literature Institute -an online course whose home base is in Redding, CT.  I was nervous beyond nervous as I waited for feedback on each assignment.  I found myself to be part indignant and part appreciative at times.  Over the ten submissions I learned I am strong in descriptive writing and character development, overused passive verbs and didn’t get to the conflict soon enough.  Qualities better suited for chapter books and not short stories.  Well, that wasn’t so bad. I know I can’t write “short.”  (Anyone who has ever had a conversation knows I can’t talk “short” either!)

          Next, I joined a critique group.  This was a huge step for me.  I can be extremely shy around strangers.  Now add the layer of reading out loud my writing…sheer panic set in on the first car ride!  I had written and revised my first chapter.  But would they like it?! I’ve worked hard at becoming a receptive set of ears instead of a defensive back when receiving comments from my group.  Lucky for me, they are a fantastic group of ladies!

          Most recently, I attended the New England Society for Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators spring conference ( www.nescbwi.org. )  There was advice to be found at every turn!  From the critique session, to the workshops, to casual conversations at lunch, everyone was willing to share ideas and give advice.  I’m still new to this whole world of writing, but I became an advice sponge.  Letting all the tidbits and words of wisdom soak in.

          On the drive home, reflecting on the day, I couldn’t help thinking about other advice that enters my life on a daily basis.  I realized I am not always the most appreciative and receptive advice receiver.  But I have the power to change this.  No teacher can get through a school year all on their own and no parent has all the right ideas.  Advice is like a flower garden.  It comes in many forms.  Some is bright and bold, some is small and subtle.  My job is to pick what I like the best!  

Patience and Potty Training

Patience and Potty Training

      

  I am not a patient person. Never was and will never be.  So imagine how useful this was when I took on potty training this week.  I thought I was prepared since I had the following supplies:

*  Two potty chairs – one musical

*  Underwear decorated with favorite characters

*  Potty Bear video

*  Stickers for trying

*  M & Ms to reinforce dryness

*  Large stash of presents – for successes

*  A plethora of knowledge from friends

        I repeat, I thought I was prepared.  Nothing could have prepared me for Andrew’s reaction to the process.  First, was his very real but unexplainable fear of the potty chair.  OK, we’ll decorate it!  (An idea from Jim).  Second, was his incredible ability to hold it!  Next, was the amount of trips to the bathroom and time spent reading, giving encouraging words and hugs it would take.  And last was the crying – from both of us.  He was so full of emotion to be successful and not disappoint.  And I felt like I was putting him through something tortuous.   He would look at me with tears in his eyes and say, “I can’t do it!”  Ugh!  Heartbreak!

        But we pressed on!  There were Cheerios and outside demonstrations!  We danced and we sang!    Jim sang, “La di da di, we like to potty” and “I just called... to say... let’s go potty!”  I did my interpretation of the potty dance and chanted ridiculous cheers.  I’m sure Andrew thought we were nuts!

                I wondered how many other new things we would find ourselves faced with and how we would all react.   In the end, patience paid off.  (Okay, maybe it was the stash of trains.) It was a proud moment for us both when Andrew declared, “I’m a big boy now!” 

        The week was a good lesson for me as a parent.  There is going to be a lot of new challenges for the boys and me.  Looks like I will be shopping at the patience shop more frequently!

Warning… This Isn’t Going to be Pretty

Warning… This Isn’t Going to be Pretty

          When I first planned the entry to mark my 40^th birthday, this was my original title.  I was well prepared to lament how physically I was feeling my age and the ever-entertaining ways my body was changing.  (One has to laugh about it, right?) 

          However, I have just spent three of the most relaxing day with the boys and family. I did not have the “back-to-work Monday” looming at the end of the weekend.  So, on the drive home, sitting in the back seat between the two of them, I knew I needed to take a more positive approach.

          When I turned 30, I sat one night with my journal.   I was on my porch, wine glass in hand, chimenea aglow and dog at my feet.  I was thinking about the summer – and the three weddings I would be attending – alone.  I was thinking about the two weddings I had attended the year before – alone.  I was thinking alone was not a very happy place to be.  I penned quite a pity party that night.

          It was time for a change.  I decided to relocate – sell my house and leave all the local comforts I had come to depend upon.  I was going to go live by the beach and start over!  Lucky for me, the universe works in wonderful ways.  I was hired in Waterford – which was somewhat familiar territory (my aunt and cousin live there).  The only apartment available that backed up to the woods was across from a handsome, single engineer – (now that’s a story for another blog!)

          In the past ten years I have married and incredible man, owned two homes, and been blessed with two beautiful boys.  I’ve gotten my 200 hour yoga certification, took a course in writing children’s literature and taught two new grades.  I’ve started a young adult novel, dabbled in picture book writing, and continued to add to my collections of poems.  Most recently, I have started this blog.  So, to steal a post from another person turning 40 this year…I will be turning 30 plus 10 year’s experience!

          Sure, I’m not as fast as I used to be, my face has its share of experience lines and it takes more effort to lift and separate!  But as I sit here at 6 a.m., under my fleece blanket, coffee mug in hand, listening to the birds sing their wake up song, I am definitely in a very happy place.